To start off, I have to say that I am a fan of the original. My first problem was the fact that the movie was called Blues Brothers 2000, and it came out in 1998, lame. They essentialy start the movie the same way with Dan Akroyd getting out of prison but his brother, Jon Belushi is now dead. Much like in the first movie, Elwood goes to see the Penguin. For some reason Elwood is now a mentor for ten year old kid named Buster, which is just kind of stupid in gerneral.
Soon Elwood is confronted with another mission from God and he must get the band back together. He now discovers his friend Curtis had fathered a child and now is a state trooper. Elwood tries to recruit him and settles for John Goodman. By the middle of the movie, the trooper, Goodman, and the kid are all dressing like Elwood.
It was kind of cool to see where all the members of the band ended up, but it was too much of a gap in between the two movies. Now everyone is too old to believe they would put up with this shit. There were alot of cameos, but the last thirty miniutes of the movie was just where most of them showed up. While the first one had a bunch of cameos from actors and musicians, this one was made up of musicians that not everybody knew.
In the end, this flick just didn't live up to the first. It just wasn't the same kind of movie, as much as they tried. Nothing against Dan Akroyd, but Jon Belushi was what was missing. I thinkif this movie was never made, the legacy of the movie wouldn't have been tarnished. Oh well, I guess we'll never have to wonder what if they ever made a sequal. Because we know it would suck.
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
Oceans of Crap
When Oceans 11 first came out, I really enjoyed it. I thought it was a pretty good remake of the original with Sinatra and the Rat Pack. All in all, a good flick. Then Oceans 12 came out.
First of all, the entire feel and vibe of this one was completely different. The first one was all about the desire to screw over Andy Garcia, their overall goal was to get rich. 12 was centered on Andy Garcia wanting his money back after he presents proof they robbed him in the first movie.
So, the gang heads to Europe because they're on the radar in America. They've all spent the money they stole, and now they have to do a bunch of small jobs. At the same time some French guy is introduced as yet another villain. Soon he presents himself as the most gifted thief, and George Clooney is shit. Meanwhile, there's a backstory developing around Brad Pitt and Cathrine Zeta Jones, who turns out to be working for Interpol and is hunting the gang down. Most of the guys end up in jail, and it's just a countdown to finding out how they're smarter then everyone else including me.
If you really want to check it out, have at it. The French guy does some sort of break dancing moves to get through lazers and Julia Roberts impersonates Julia Roberts. In the end the gang wins, and soon there is a big party and now Pitt and Zeta Jones are together again. We find out her father was a thief and she just had Daddy abandonment issues. And it's not like 13 was great either. Oh well.
First of all, the entire feel and vibe of this one was completely different. The first one was all about the desire to screw over Andy Garcia, their overall goal was to get rich. 12 was centered on Andy Garcia wanting his money back after he presents proof they robbed him in the first movie.
So, the gang heads to Europe because they're on the radar in America. They've all spent the money they stole, and now they have to do a bunch of small jobs. At the same time some French guy is introduced as yet another villain. Soon he presents himself as the most gifted thief, and George Clooney is shit. Meanwhile, there's a backstory developing around Brad Pitt and Cathrine Zeta Jones, who turns out to be working for Interpol and is hunting the gang down. Most of the guys end up in jail, and it's just a countdown to finding out how they're smarter then everyone else including me.
If you really want to check it out, have at it. The French guy does some sort of break dancing moves to get through lazers and Julia Roberts impersonates Julia Roberts. In the end the gang wins, and soon there is a big party and now Pitt and Zeta Jones are together again. We find out her father was a thief and she just had Daddy abandonment issues. And it's not like 13 was great either. Oh well.
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Why Even Keanu Has A Brain
I know Keanu Reeves has a reputation for being kind of stupid, but I disagree. I'm a fan of his movies, I'm greatly awaiting the next Bill and Ted movie. However, I'll admit he does'nt come off as a genius in any way, but he did pass on Speed 2
The first one was awsome, mostly because of Reeves and Dennise Hopper. Even Jeff Daniels was cool. In the end, only Sandra Bullock and the black cop come back for the sequel. Keanu and Bullock have broken up, and now she is dating the ultimate sensitive stud,Jjason Patrick. We know he's sensitive because he makes friends with a deaf girl on the cruise ship, oh yea no bus,
cruise ship.
The new villain is Willem Defoe, and we know he's the bad guy because he puts leaches all over his body. His plan is to crash the ship into a harbor, essentially by speeding it up and not letting it stop so he can smuggle some shit or somthing. Thank God Jason Patrick is there. As the movie rolls on, people get wet and Defoe dies on a jet skii. The ship does crash into the harbor, the one thing I actually didn't expect. Like I said, Keanu has a brain. Give him a break, he was in Point Break.
The first one was awsome, mostly because of Reeves and Dennise Hopper. Even Jeff Daniels was cool. In the end, only Sandra Bullock and the black cop come back for the sequel. Keanu and Bullock have broken up, and now she is dating the ultimate sensitive stud,Jjason Patrick. We know he's sensitive because he makes friends with a deaf girl on the cruise ship, oh yea no bus,
cruise ship.
The new villain is Willem Defoe, and we know he's the bad guy because he puts leaches all over his body. His plan is to crash the ship into a harbor, essentially by speeding it up and not letting it stop so he can smuggle some shit or somthing. Thank God Jason Patrick is there. As the movie rolls on, people get wet and Defoe dies on a jet skii. The ship does crash into the harbor, the one thing I actually didn't expect. Like I said, Keanu has a brain. Give him a break, he was in Point Break.
Friday, March 16, 2012
Charlie and the Shit Factory
I think it's time to adress movies that shouldn't have been made. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory is a peice of crap that proves Tim Burton shouldn't try to do movie remakes, because Planet of the Apes didn't prove anything to him. I'll get to that another time.
First of all, Jonny Depp looks like a pedifile. I respect Depp's ability to make so many different characters, but this one was a miss. Gene Wilder's portrayal of Willy Wonka clearly comes out on top, but then again I wouldn't trust him around my kids either. And why the hell weren't the Oompa Loompas orange. It was just one middle eastern guy over and over again. I'm sure they could have found enough short people to put on overalls. Not to mention, the songs sucked. Almost the entire factory was CGI, and nothing looked edible.
I just don't get it, if it's not broken then don't fix it. Although I suppose they sold alot more candy bars and Nerds when the movie came out. I hope Depp's next movie doesn't ruin my opinion on the original character, he will be playing Tonto from the Lone Ranger. We'll see.
First of all, Jonny Depp looks like a pedifile. I respect Depp's ability to make so many different characters, but this one was a miss. Gene Wilder's portrayal of Willy Wonka clearly comes out on top, but then again I wouldn't trust him around my kids either. And why the hell weren't the Oompa Loompas orange. It was just one middle eastern guy over and over again. I'm sure they could have found enough short people to put on overalls. Not to mention, the songs sucked. Almost the entire factory was CGI, and nothing looked edible.
I just don't get it, if it's not broken then don't fix it. Although I suppose they sold alot more candy bars and Nerds when the movie came out. I hope Depp's next movie doesn't ruin my opinion on the original character, he will be playing Tonto from the Lone Ranger. We'll see.
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
American Crap Pie
For the sake of going in a different direction with the type of movies I've been ranting about, I recently watched the American Pie movies. While I can't hate on the first three, Band camp is a different story.
The originals were awsome, the characters were well rounded and all were developed in a realistic way. You honestly care about each character, and where thier story went.
Now, maybe I just hate change, or maybe I just hate when a movie tries to introduce new characters and try to portray it as the same movie. If it didnt work for Saved By The Bell, it won't work for you. The only two people that continued on, was Jim's dad and the Shermanator, clearly they weren't what made the originals work. While I will give credit to Eugene Levy for being funny in an uncombfortable, the rest of the flick was just the same recycled jokes.
In this movie, Stifler's younger brother is the main focus of the flick. Sure they did find an actor that could make the same shit eating grin as SeanWilliam Scott, but not one that could carry a movie. A running joke in the movies is that Stiffler will consume some kind of disgusting bodily fluid without realizing it, of course it was attempted again. In this half ass joke, baby Stiffler is sent to band camp and is soon the low man on the totom pole. When it came time for the bullys to put spit into a soda for Stifler to drink, your'e over the joke before it starts.
It was a straight to DVD movie and it shows. The story line was predictable and not very funny to begin with, and in the end Stiffler learns his lesson and gets the girl. Beautiful.
The next two in the series weren't much better then Band Camp, but atleast went for more of an original idea. Still using the Stiffler model for the movies, these two followed Stiffler's cousins. One was a nerd, while the other was the general Stiffler model. The Naked Mile and Beta House weren't great movies, but atleast got closer to the idea of not making a shit spinoff.
American Reunion is about to come out, and I am excited to see the original cast together. Hopefully I can move on and forget that one time at Band Camp.
Yeah I did it.
The originals were awsome, the characters were well rounded and all were developed in a realistic way. You honestly care about each character, and where thier story went.
Now, maybe I just hate change, or maybe I just hate when a movie tries to introduce new characters and try to portray it as the same movie. If it didnt work for Saved By The Bell, it won't work for you. The only two people that continued on, was Jim's dad and the Shermanator, clearly they weren't what made the originals work. While I will give credit to Eugene Levy for being funny in an uncombfortable, the rest of the flick was just the same recycled jokes.
In this movie, Stifler's younger brother is the main focus of the flick. Sure they did find an actor that could make the same shit eating grin as SeanWilliam Scott, but not one that could carry a movie. A running joke in the movies is that Stiffler will consume some kind of disgusting bodily fluid without realizing it, of course it was attempted again. In this half ass joke, baby Stiffler is sent to band camp and is soon the low man on the totom pole. When it came time for the bullys to put spit into a soda for Stifler to drink, your'e over the joke before it starts.
It was a straight to DVD movie and it shows. The story line was predictable and not very funny to begin with, and in the end Stiffler learns his lesson and gets the girl. Beautiful.
The next two in the series weren't much better then Band Camp, but atleast went for more of an original idea. Still using the Stiffler model for the movies, these two followed Stiffler's cousins. One was a nerd, while the other was the general Stiffler model. The Naked Mile and Beta House weren't great movies, but atleast got closer to the idea of not making a shit spinoff.
American Reunion is about to come out, and I am excited to see the original cast together. Hopefully I can move on and forget that one time at Band Camp.
Yeah I did it.
Friday, March 9, 2012
Jurassic Crap
Well, lets get right into it. Jurassic Park 3 was yet another franchise killer. Obviously the first movie was amazing. Even the second movie had it's draw backs, but it still had the T-Rex terrorizing San Fransisco. While JP3 was just a big pile of crap.
Maybe it was not having Jeff Goldbloom in the movie to make everything seem more dangerous or not having someone wearing a leather jacket in the jungle, but this movie was missing something. Nothing against Sam Neil, who played Dr. Grant in the first and third movies, but this one just didn't work.
T-Rex was only in one scene, and got his ass kicked. Sure the "Spinosaurus" was bigger and blah blah blah, but T-Rex is what made the first two movies great. Personally I was not a fan to the new bad ass on the island. While I was excited to see a terridactile scene, I don't think it did anything to save the movie.
Earlier in the movie Dr. Grant has a night mare about a talking Velosoraptor on a plane, enough said.
In the end, everyone is saved when Dr. Grant uses a satellite phone to call up his friend from the first movie. Her son answers, she eventually hears like five seconds of screaming and knows exactly where he is and what is going on. Wow.
Soon a guy in a suit shows up with the army storming the beach. He asks is Dr. Grant is among them, and they're rescued. Then the movie ends. That's it. The ending was pretty much thrown together and it shows.
I hope if they are going to make another go at it with another one, they think about what they're writing.
Maybe it was not having Jeff Goldbloom in the movie to make everything seem more dangerous or not having someone wearing a leather jacket in the jungle, but this movie was missing something. Nothing against Sam Neil, who played Dr. Grant in the first and third movies, but this one just didn't work.
T-Rex was only in one scene, and got his ass kicked. Sure the "Spinosaurus" was bigger and blah blah blah, but T-Rex is what made the first two movies great. Personally I was not a fan to the new bad ass on the island. While I was excited to see a terridactile scene, I don't think it did anything to save the movie.
Earlier in the movie Dr. Grant has a night mare about a talking Velosoraptor on a plane, enough said.
In the end, everyone is saved when Dr. Grant uses a satellite phone to call up his friend from the first movie. Her son answers, she eventually hears like five seconds of screaming and knows exactly where he is and what is going on. Wow.
Soon a guy in a suit shows up with the army storming the beach. He asks is Dr. Grant is among them, and they're rescued. Then the movie ends. That's it. The ending was pretty much thrown together and it shows.
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
Shia LaBouef: The Sequal Assasin
So, I think it is time to bring up the kid from Holes, Shia LaBouef. Sure the Transformers movies still are making me interested, but lets examine his most recent kills.
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, what can I say. No Nazis, that's fine. I realize time has moved on and now Harrison Ford is no longer Han Solo, but why in the hell did George Lucas and Speilberg think a kid named Shia would make up for Fords inability to jump from horse to tank? Don't get me wrong the fact that the final movie was based around aliens and not about some religious artifact or cult, just didn't feel like an Indiana Jones movie.
Since I'm not really a fan of Wall Street I wont go to far into detail about how LaBouef managed to pull another Jar Jar in this sequel, just more proof. He still looks like he's employed by the Disney Channel, Ashton Kutcher grow a better beard then him. If Oliver Stone wants me to believe LaBouef is ambitious as Charlie Sheen, then he should have hired Lindsey Lohan. Think about it. Lets face it, Michael Douglas was in the same spot as Harrison Ford, having to make room in a movie sequal your best known for, to share the screen with the kid from Holes.
If anyone wants to tell me Labouef is a good actor should go on YouTube and watch Shia LaBouef says no. Talk to me after that.
I finally ranted about a movie that didn't make me look nerdy, Hell Yea!!
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
The Jar Jar Menace
Hello again, in honor of Star Wars Episode One The Phantom Menace back on the big screen, I feel it's my duty to explain why 3D wont be able to improve this poor excuse for a prequel. I grew up loving the original movies like a lot of other kids destined to own a light sabre, so when episode one was slated for release I cried out like Chewbacca. Then I saw it.
First of all, who in the hell thought that Jar Jar Binks would improve the story? I mean come on, "Miesa want to jab a pencil into my ear." I once got a Jar Jar beach towel for my birth day, I use it now to clean up when my toilet starts draining on the floor. I digress. Moving on to the rat tails that seemed to be a big thing for a Jedi. You would think that get cut off by a light sabre. The eighties called, they hated it too. For what ever reason George Lucas wanted to have something called a Pod race in the movie, really didn't make me think little Anikan Skywalker was any more bad ass. Though I'm sure the plan to sell Lego's and crap worked out well.
On a personal note, my girlfriend has pretty much assured me that she will never want to see the original movies, all because she has only seen two of the lesser trilogy. Thanks Jar Jar.
Now I could go on for hours about the stupid make up, and the desire to have a Yoda that was just a puppet, but I wont. I respect Samuel L. Jackson to much to keep going. However, if you couldn't tell the same actor that was playing the emperor, also played the chancellor, then you're as dumb as George Lucas is.
For the sake of not having a stroke, I'm going to summarize the next two pieces of crap. Episode two: Anikan cries a bunch and wines about hating the Sand People and loving Padme. He grows a rat tail and wines some more about Obi Wan Kenobi and not having enough to do being a Jedi. Oh yeah,there are a bunch or clones dressed like storm troopers. Wow, Foreshadowing much? Just cut off Anikan's hand and be done with it.
By Episode three I figured some closure was necessary. Much more of the same continues, until the last hour. I have to say the end of the movie was pretty good, even though Anikan did more crying. We got to see the return of Darth Vader and James Earl Jones doing the voice.
In the end, the last movies wasn't too bad, even though Anikan went all out emo. It felt good to be done with all this shit, it was like Jar Jar never existed. Crap, someone is watching him in 3D right now.
First of all, who in the hell thought that Jar Jar Binks would improve the story? I mean come on, "Miesa want to jab a pencil into my ear." I once got a Jar Jar beach towel for my birth day, I use it now to clean up when my toilet starts draining on the floor. I digress. Moving on to the rat tails that seemed to be a big thing for a Jedi. You would think that get cut off by a light sabre. The eighties called, they hated it too. For what ever reason George Lucas wanted to have something called a Pod race in the movie, really didn't make me think little Anikan Skywalker was any more bad ass. Though I'm sure the plan to sell Lego's and crap worked out well.
On a personal note, my girlfriend has pretty much assured me that she will never want to see the original movies, all because she has only seen two of the lesser trilogy. Thanks Jar Jar.
Now I could go on for hours about the stupid make up, and the desire to have a Yoda that was just a puppet, but I wont. I respect Samuel L. Jackson to much to keep going. However, if you couldn't tell the same actor that was playing the emperor, also played the chancellor, then you're as dumb as George Lucas is.
For the sake of not having a stroke, I'm going to summarize the next two pieces of crap. Episode two: Anikan cries a bunch and wines about hating the Sand People and loving Padme. He grows a rat tail and wines some more about Obi Wan Kenobi and not having enough to do being a Jedi. Oh yeah,there are a bunch or clones dressed like storm troopers. Wow, Foreshadowing much? Just cut off Anikan's hand and be done with it.
In the end, the last movies wasn't too bad, even though Anikan went all out emo. It felt good to be done with all this shit, it was like Jar Jar never existed. Crap, someone is watching him in 3D right now.
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Alien Crap
Welcome back.
I'm sure by now people are aware of the movie nerd that I am. Deal with it. Moving on to two more garbage movies that almost ruined a franchise, Alien 3 is a great example of why you stop while you're ahead. Alien and Aliens are probobly the two of the best sci-fi horror movies ever made. Both are great visual flicks, and are great vehicles for Sigourney Weaver as a female action star. Sadly the third installment of the series was the beginig of a downward spriral.
First of all, having Weaver shave her head didn't help the cause. By surrounding her character, Ripley, with a bunch of criminals on a prison planet, also all with shaved heads made it way to difficult to find her hot anymore. Since this movie takes place like two hundred years after the previous film, the attempt to make this future planet resulted in looking like Schindler's List in color.
So Ripley dies at the end of Alien 3, she kills herself by jumping into a pool of lava or some shit because she now has an alien inside of her. Enter Alien Reserection. If the last one sounded bad, this one is worse. Now another few hundred years later, Ripley is alive again, but not. She is a clone who is created in a space lab, along with the alien that died with her in the last peice of shit. Needless to say, having Winona Ryder playing a space pirate who happens to also be a robot didn't help. Screw it, I can't keep thinking about this. Long story short, more aliens kill some people and eventually a weird mutant alien is sucked through a whole in a spaceship. Total crap.
In the end, the Alien movies are now a little tarnished, but there is a silver ligning. Thanks to Predator, the Alien franchise got a second chance. By putting in an alien skull into the second Predator, the sci-fi world got Alien vs. Predator. First made into a game in the nineties, it was later adapted to a well made movie. But, that sequal sucked too, so there you go.
I'm sure by now people are aware of the movie nerd that I am. Deal with it. Moving on to two more garbage movies that almost ruined a franchise, Alien 3 is a great example of why you stop while you're ahead. Alien and Aliens are probobly the two of the best sci-fi horror movies ever made. Both are great visual flicks, and are great vehicles for Sigourney Weaver as a female action star. Sadly the third installment of the series was the beginig of a downward spriral.
First of all, having Weaver shave her head didn't help the cause. By surrounding her character, Ripley, with a bunch of criminals on a prison planet, also all with shaved heads made it way to difficult to find her hot anymore. Since this movie takes place like two hundred years after the previous film, the attempt to make this future planet resulted in looking like Schindler's List in color.
So Ripley dies at the end of Alien 3, she kills herself by jumping into a pool of lava or some shit because she now has an alien inside of her. Enter Alien Reserection. If the last one sounded bad, this one is worse. Now another few hundred years later, Ripley is alive again, but not. She is a clone who is created in a space lab, along with the alien that died with her in the last peice of shit. Needless to say, having Winona Ryder playing a space pirate who happens to also be a robot didn't help. Screw it, I can't keep thinking about this. Long story short, more aliens kill some people and eventually a weird mutant alien is sucked through a whole in a spaceship. Total crap.
In the end, the Alien movies are now a little tarnished, but there is a silver ligning. Thanks to Predator, the Alien franchise got a second chance. By putting in an alien skull into the second Predator, the sci-fi world got Alien vs. Predator. First made into a game in the nineties, it was later adapted to a well made movie. But, that sequal sucked too, so there you go.
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Comic Book movies that make me cry
Welcome to my Blog, I've been waiting to get a lot off my chest. I have seen too many movies that ruin franchises and break too many hearts. I'm starting with two films that hurt me to see my favorite heroes ultimately fail.
Spider Man 3 was one of the most disappointing pieces of shit I've ever seen Tobey Maguire try to pull off. I don't know what pissed me off about it more, his emo hair do or his need to dance like he was making Grease 3. When Spidey put on the black suit, which looked like shit, he started acting like he was in Home Alone. After seeing the first two in the series, I expected having Venom in the new movie was a no lose situation. Wrong. Eric Foreman was the best actor they could find to play Eddy Brock, really!? Venom is supposed to be huge, Topher Grace is skinnier then Tobey. Not even Thomas Hayden Church's role of Sandman worked, now he killed Uncle Ben!? I give up, lets see how the next one turns out.
Now, the one that really hurts me is Batman and Robin. I'm sorry if I offend anyone on this rant, but that movie was BULLSHIT. How in the hell could Schumacher have let that move be seen? Now I'll admit, I'm a fan of Tim Burton's movies with Micheal Keaton. Batman said two words to Commissioner Gordon in Batman Returns, that's it. He swings into Batman Forever and just chats his frickin head off to Gordon or whoever else cares while Two Face is shooting shit up. I digress, Batman and Robin is the real problem. Luckily Jim Carey killed Batman Forever as the Riddler.
The piece of shit that that is Batman and Robin, almost killed the whole Franchise. I love George Clooney as much as anyone, but him and Robin showing up to a jungle themed night club with pointless rubber nipples on their suits was just stupid. Poison Ivy was a dumb choice to begin with, and Bane didn't stand a chance looking like the gimp from Pulp Fiction. Making Arnold Schwarzenegger Mr. Freeze was the death blow, not too mention seeing skates pop out of Batman's boots like a pair of zoomies pissed me off. Clearly the Toy Companies made all the choices on this movie. What a cheesy piece of shit. Thank God for Chris Nolan.
Spider Man 3 was one of the most disappointing pieces of shit I've ever seen Tobey Maguire try to pull off. I don't know what pissed me off about it more, his emo hair do or his need to dance like he was making Grease 3. When Spidey put on the black suit, which looked like shit, he started acting like he was in Home Alone. After seeing the first two in the series, I expected having Venom in the new movie was a no lose situation. Wrong. Eric Foreman was the best actor they could find to play Eddy Brock, really!? Venom is supposed to be huge, Topher Grace is skinnier then Tobey. Not even Thomas Hayden Church's role of Sandman worked, now he killed Uncle Ben!? I give up, lets see how the next one turns out.
Now, the one that really hurts me is Batman and Robin. I'm sorry if I offend anyone on this rant, but that movie was BULLSHIT. How in the hell could Schumacher have let that move be seen? Now I'll admit, I'm a fan of Tim Burton's movies with Micheal Keaton. Batman said two words to Commissioner Gordon in Batman Returns, that's it. He swings into Batman Forever and just chats his frickin head off to Gordon or whoever else cares while Two Face is shooting shit up. I digress, Batman and Robin is the real problem. Luckily Jim Carey killed Batman Forever as the Riddler.
The piece of shit that that is Batman and Robin, almost killed the whole Franchise. I love George Clooney as much as anyone, but him and Robin showing up to a jungle themed night club with pointless rubber nipples on their suits was just stupid. Poison Ivy was a dumb choice to begin with, and Bane didn't stand a chance looking like the gimp from Pulp Fiction. Making Arnold Schwarzenegger Mr. Freeze was the death blow, not too mention seeing skates pop out of Batman's boots like a pair of zoomies pissed me off. Clearly the Toy Companies made all the choices on this movie. What a cheesy piece of shit. Thank God for Chris Nolan.
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