Shia LaBouef: The Sequal Assasin

So, I think it is time to bring up the kid from Holes, Shia LaBouef. Sure the Transformers movies still are making me interested, but lets examine his most recent kills.
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, what can I say. No Nazis, that's fine. I realize time has moved on and now Harrison Ford is no longer Han Solo, but why in the hell did George Lucas and Speilberg think a kid named Shia would make up for Fords inability to jump from horse to tank? Don't get me wrong the fact that the final movie was based around aliens and not about some religious artifact or cult, just didn't feel like an Indiana Jones movie.

Back to the Bouef, a leather jacket and combing your hair all the time does not make you a bad ass. The Fonz was more qualified to play Indiana Jones' son then him. Long story short, Lucas and Speilberg should not make more then 3 movies to a franchise. Labouef is the non computer generated Jar Jar Binks, think about it.
Since I'm not really a fan of Wall Street I wont go to far into detail about how LaBouef managed to pull another Jar Jar in this sequel, just more proof. He still looks like he's employed by the Disney Channel, Ashton Kutcher grow a better beard then him. If Oliver Stone wants me to believe LaBouef is ambitious as Charlie Sheen, then he should have hired Lindsey Lohan. Think about it. Lets face it, Michael Douglas was in the same spot as Harrison Ford, having to make room in a movie sequal your best known for, to share the screen with the kid from Holes.
If anyone wants to tell me Labouef is a good actor should go on YouTube and watch Shia LaBouef says no. Talk to me after that.
I finally ranted about a movie that didn't make me look nerdy, Hell Yea!!

The Jar Jar Menace

Hello again, in honor of Star Wars Episode One The Phantom Menace back on the big screen, I feel it's my duty to explain why 3D wont be able to improve this poor excuse for a prequel.   I grew up loving the original movies like a lot of other kids destined to own a light sabre, so when episode one was slated for release I cried out like Chewbacca. Then I saw it.
First of all, who in the hell thought that Jar Jar Binks would improve the story?  I mean come on, "Miesa want to jab a pencil into my ear."  I once got a Jar Jar beach towel for my birth day,  I use it now to clean up when my toilet starts draining on the floor.  I digress. Moving on to the rat tails that seemed to be a big thing for a Jedi.  You would think that get cut off by a light sabre.  The eighties called, they hated it too.  For what ever reason George Lucas wanted to have something called a Pod race in the movie, really didn't make me think little Anikan Skywalker was any more bad ass.  Though I'm sure the plan to sell Lego's and crap worked out well.
On a personal note, my girlfriend has pretty much assured me that she will never want to see the original movies, all because she has only seen two of the lesser trilogy.  Thanks Jar Jar.
Now I could go on for hours about the stupid make up, and the desire to have a Yoda that was just a puppet, but I wont. I respect Samuel L. Jackson to much to keep going.  However, if you couldn't tell the same actor that was playing the emperor, also played the chancellor, then you're as dumb as George Lucas is.
For the sake of not having a stroke, I'm going to summarize the next two pieces of crap.  Episode two:  Anikan cries a bunch and wines about hating the Sand People and loving Padme.  He grows a rat tail and wines some more about Obi Wan Kenobi and not having enough to do being a Jedi. Oh yeah,there are a bunch or clones dressed like storm troopers.  Wow, Foreshadowing much? Just cut off Anikan's hand and be done with it.

By Episode three I figured some closure was necessary.  Much more of the same continues,  until the last hour.  I have to say the end of the movie was pretty good, even though Anikan did more crying.  We got to see the return of Darth Vader and James Earl Jones doing the voice.
In the end, the last movies wasn't too bad, even though Anikan went all out emo.  It felt good to be done with all this shit, it was like Jar Jar never existed.  Crap, someone is watching him in 3D right now.

Alien Crap

Welcome back. 
  I'm sure by now people are aware of the movie nerd that I am.  Deal with it.  Moving on to two more garbage movies that almost ruined a franchise, Alien 3 is a great example of why you stop while you're ahead.  Alien and Aliens  are probobly the two of the best sci-fi horror movies ever made. Both are great visual flicks, and are great vehicles for Sigourney Weaver as a female action star. Sadly the third installment of the series was the beginig of a downward spriral.
   First of all, having Weaver shave her head didn't help the cause.  By surrounding her character, Ripley, with a bunch of criminals on a prison planet, also all with shaved heads made it way to difficult to find her hot anymore.  Since this movie takes place like two hundred years after the previous film, the attempt to make this future planet resulted in looking like Schindler's List in color. 
   So Ripley dies at the end of Alien 3, she kills herself by jumping into a pool of lava or some shit because she now has an alien inside of her.  Enter Alien Reserection.  If the last one sounded bad, this one is worse.  Now another few hundred years later, Ripley is alive again, but not.  She is a clone who is created in a space lab, along with the alien that died with her in the last peice of shit.  Needless to say, having Winona Ryder playing a space pirate who happens to also be a robot didn't help.  Screw it, I can't keep thinking about this.  Long story short, more aliens kill some people and eventually a weird mutant alien is sucked through a whole in a spaceship.  Total crap.
   In the end, the Alien  movies are now a little tarnished, but there is a silver ligning.  Thanks to Predator, the Alien  franchise got a second chance. By putting in an alien skull into the second Predator, the sci-fi world got Alien vs. Predator.   First made into a game in the nineties, it was later adapted to a well made movie.  But, that sequal sucked too, so there you go.

Comic Book movies that make me cry

Welcome to my Blog, I've been waiting to get a lot off my chest.  I have seen too many movies that ruin franchises and break too many hearts.  I'm starting with two films that hurt me to see my favorite heroes ultimately fail.
 Spider Man 3 was one of the most disappointing pieces of shit I've ever seen Tobey Maguire try to pull off.  I don't know what pissed me off about it more, his emo hair do or his need to dance like he was making Grease 3.  When Spidey put on the black suit, which looked like shit, he started acting like he was in Home Alone. After seeing the first two in the series, I expected having Venom in the new movie was a no lose situation.  Wrong. Eric Foreman was the best actor they could find to play Eddy Brock, really!?  Venom is supposed to be huge, Topher Grace is skinnier then Tobey.  Not even Thomas Hayden Church's role of Sandman worked, now he killed Uncle Ben!?  I give up, lets see how the next one turns out.
Now, the one that really hurts me is Batman and Robin.  I'm sorry if I offend anyone on this rant, but that movie was BULLSHIT.  How in the hell could Schumacher have let that move be seen?  Now I'll admit,  I'm a fan of Tim Burton's movies with Micheal Keaton.  Batman  said two words to Commissioner Gordon in Batman Returns, that's it.  He swings into Batman Forever and just chats his frickin head off to Gordon or whoever else cares while Two Face is shooting shit up.  I digress, Batman and Robin is the real problem. Luckily Jim Carey killed Batman Forever as the Riddler.
The piece of shit that that is Batman and Robin, almost killed the whole Franchise.  I love George Clooney as much as anyone, but him and Robin showing up to a jungle themed night club with pointless rubber nipples on their suits was just stupid.  Poison Ivy was a dumb choice to begin with, and Bane didn't stand a chance looking like the gimp from Pulp Fiction. Making Arnold Schwarzenegger Mr. Freeze was the death blow, not too mention seeing skates pop out of Batman's boots like a pair of zoomies pissed me off.  Clearly the Toy Companies made all the choices on this movie. What a cheesy piece of shit.  Thank God for Chris Nolan.